


You Shine Brighter Than The Sun

by PeculiarChild



Series: How Long Have We Been Here? [3]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Crying, Depressed Keith (Voltron), Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Heavy Angst, Hurt Keith (Voltron), Hurt/Comfort, I Will Go Down With This Ship, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Keith (Voltron) Angst, Keith (Voltron) Needs a Hug, Keith (Voltron) is Bad at Feelings, Keith (Voltron) is a Mess, Keith (Voltron)-centric, Keith/Lance (Voltron) Angst, M/M, Panic Attacks, Post-Season/Series 04, Sad Keith (Voltron), Sad with a Happy Ending, Season/Series 04 Spoilers, Self-Hatred, Self-Sacrifice, Suicidal Thoughts, Worried Lance (Voltron)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-25
Updated: 2018-03-25
Packaged: 2019-03-26 04:35:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,320
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13850226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PeculiarChild/pseuds/PeculiarChild
Summary: Why did Lotor have to come and save him?He would've been better off dead.***Alternatively, "When will I stop venting through Keith?"





	You Shine Brighter Than The Sun

**Author's Note:**

> This is a prequel to the previous works in this series, "Kiss My Eyelids" and "To Lance", but you don't have to read them to understand what is going on. This is the "Naxzela Incident" Keith talks about in his letter, in the previous fic.

As the door to his room slowly closed with a silent whoosh sound, Keith stood there, dumbfounded. He felt like he was in a daze, as everything happened too fast. Matt's pleas for him to stop still resonated in his head, adding to his splitting headache.

He rubbed his scalp in harsh motions, hoping to relieve some of the throbbing pain. He just wanted to rest in peace, but of course, his petty brain wouldn't even grant him that. The thoughts he shoved so far down in his mind started to surface again as the flashbacks hit him in the face like a heavy brick.

He was going to ram his ship into the barrier. Even if he himself didn't make it back, the team would be okay. He would've saved them. He was no longer a paladin of Voltron, the universe no longer needed him. Even with the Blades, he was replaceable. It was always victory or death with them. The mission always came first, rather than the individuals themselves. And that was what he did. He was finally going to be useful. The team would notice he was there, too.

But then, Lotor came along and saved everyone, including him. As he manuevered his ship back in the last minute, Keith felt more useless than ever. Why did that asshole had to come and ruin everything? Now the team would never know, never notice, never care.

_Why did Lotor have to save him?_

_He'd be better off dead._

With a defeated slump of his shoulders, he took a few tentative steps towards his untouched bed ever since he left, Marmora suit suddenly feeling too tight.

He lied down and curled on the bed, pressing the heels of his palms to his eyes. He felt even more pathetic, why was he crying? He was so weak. It was no wonder that no one tried to stop him from leaving. Maybe they hoped that he'd die in one of those missions?

Surely, they didn't. They couldn't. Or... Could they? He pressed the heels of his palms to his eyes even harder, until white dots swam around in the darkness surrounding his vision. He could still feel the unwanted tears leaking from his eyes. Why did it hurt so much? He let his hands fall limp at his sides, tears now freely rolling down his cheeks.

He rolled around the bed until he was lying on his back, and he let out a shaky giggle as he felt a tear slip into his ear. He suddenly started to feel really giddy. He could totally kill himself if he wanted to. It would be as easy as breathing. Now that he was thrown in he middle of an intergalactic war, there were so many different ways he could die.

_Would the team notice him if he did, then?_

He knew he was being petty. He was the one who left. But if he didn't, then Lance would be left out. Blue and Allura had made so much progress, faster than anyone else. If Keith had taken Red back, then Lance wouldn't have a lion to pilot. Keith was very well aware of Lance's insecurities. He couldn't take Red from Lance. He just couldn't do that to him. And as much as it pained him to do so, he chose to leave.

In the end, he was replaceable. He didn't contribute anything to the team. Lance made a much better Red Paladin than him, that much was obvious. He smiled bitterly.

Shiro was the leader. He kept his cool even in the hardest of times. Pidge was the brain. She could do anything and everything she put her mind to. Hunk was the engineer, he knew his way around the lions. Lance was... well, Lance. He was aloof, and sometimes quite obnoxious but he always managed to lift the team's spirit, and he always pointed out their mistakes when they didn't even notice it. He held the team together.

And then, there was Keith. The loner. He was nothing. Sure, he could fight, but everyone could do that with enough practice. He always acted without thinking, he always put the team in danger, he was nothing but trouble. He could see why they didn't say anything when he left with the Blades.

He got up with great effort and dragged his feet to the small bathroom. His eyes caught a glimpse of his reflection in the small mirror. He looked like shit. His hair was even a bigger mess than the usual, his eyes looked red and swollen, with purple bags under them. He let out a sigh as he brushed his hair back to splash some water onto his face. He needed to go back and discuss the current situation with Kolivan. At least, he seemed to care about his opinion.

With a deep breath, he stepped outside. The hall was eerily quiet. His footsteps resonated in his ears as he made his way to where he thought Kolivan was. Just as he reached the corner, he bumped into someone. Rather, that someone bumped into him.

Tan skin, chocolate hair, faint freckles...

Lance.

Keith quickly turned his head around to apologize and be on his way, hopefully Lance wouldn't tease him and let him be. He really didn't feel line putting up with his teasings. As much as he loved to joke around with the former Blue Paladin, he was just so tired. However, the sight he was met with made his heart swell.

"Keith."

His voice was barely above a whisper. His ocean blue eyes were brimming with tears, ready to spill any moment. Keith's hands immediately flew up to his shoulders, steadying him.

"Lance? What's wrong? Are you okay?"

Keith would have expected anything. He would've expected Lance to start crying, to hug Keith, to run away, but he never expected the weak punch Lance swung to his jaw. It didn't necessarily hurt, but it made him take a few steps back. Then, Lance started shouting.

"You fucking stupid asshole! What were you thinking?!?"

Keith tilted his head, and looked at him. Why was Lance so mad at him for bumping into him?

Lance hung his head low.

"Matt told us. What you were about to do."

Keith's eyes widened. Matt did what now?!

"Oh... That. Don't worry about it. I'm glad you're all okay. I was worried that it wouldn't work."

It was Lance's turn to be surprised. But it quickly turned into something Keith couldn't identify, as his eyebrows furrowed and grabbed Keith's hand, dragging him down the hall, to his room.

"Lance, what are you--"

"Shut the fuck up for a god damn second, Kogane."

With that, Keith fell into an uneasy silence as Lance dragged him to his own room. His room was cozy and it felt slightly warmer, unlike Keith's, which was cold and devoid of any furniture other than his bed.

Lance pushed him gently on his bed and climbed next to him, manuevering him with soft touches until they were face to face.

"Keith. I hope you're aware that the stunt you pulled back there is an outright suicide attempt."

Keith blinked. Was it? He was thinking of his friends when he did it... But he certainly felt the sweet, numb thrill of his fast approaching death. Okay, maybe it was. But he couldn't tell Lance that. He heard Lance sigh. He started to play with his blunt fingernails, not wanting to look at the boy in front of him.

"There wasn't anything else I could do. I'm replaceable, compared to all the Paladins of Voltron, and countless of lives. I did what I had to do."

He fought so hard to blink back his tears, but he could feel them burning his eyes. He prayed that Lance couldn't see the extra wetness in his eyes, but it was in vain. Lance reached to tuck a stray stand of hair behind his ear, and his voice was soft when he spoke.

"Keith... I don't even know where to start. That just sounds so wrong on so many levels. For one... There's always another solution. The answer is never that. You even said it yourself, you didn't even know if it would work. Yours was just a little Galra cruiser, Keith. We would have lost a valuable member to the coalition. We would have lost you... for nothing."

"It wouldn't have been for nothing. You guys would've been able to take it down from the crack my cruiser would make."

Keith shuddered. A selfish part of him wanted Lance to argue further. He wanted him to... care. He snapped his head up when he heard Lance sniffle.

"L-Lance?"

Lance had tears streaming down his cheeks, eyes full of hurt and worry. There was a hin of something else too. Desperation. Keith hated himself even more for making Lance cry like that.

"Damn it Keith, you're so stupid! When will it get into that thick skull of yours that you're not replaceable? You're important, you matter, so stop trying to throw your life away! You always do this, and for fuck's sake, Keith, you're not invincible! You're going to get yourself killed in one of these days and I--"

_"Lance."_

Lance didn't get to finish his sentence, because with a choked sob, Keith rushed forward and tackled Lance down in the bed with the amount of force his hug had. He buried his face in Lance's broad chest in a futile attempt to hide his tears. He knew it was no use, as Lance would feel it the second his tears soaked into his shirt. Lance shifted them, until they were both resting on their sides, with Keith's face buried once again in Lance's chest, and their legs tangled together. Lance wrapped his arms securely around Keith, and softly stroked his hair.

"Shh, Keith, it's alright, I'm here..."

Keith felt like he was choking. He couldn't breathe, his choked sobs and whimpers knocking the air out of his lungs. He grabbed Lance's arm desperately, unintentionally digging his blunt nails into his tan flesh.

"Keith, look at me."

Keith shook his head furiously. How could he look at Lance with his face like that?

"Keith..."

With a sigh, Lance removed the hand that was gripping his arm and cupped Keith's face, forcing him to look up. Keith was pretty sure he looked like a mess, but all Lance did was wiping a tear away with his thumb.

"Keith, I need you to breathe with me, okay? Inhale, and then exhale. Deep breaths."

Keith tried to follow Lance's breathing pattern, but it wasn't really easy with all the sobs and whimpers.

No matter how gross it was, Lance held him through it all. Wiped his constantly flowing tears, stroked his hair, rubbed his back and most importantly, he never let go. Never. Not even once. He held Keith in his arms for almost one and a half hour, not even complaining once. He whispered soothing reassurances the whole time, somehow managing to deflect Keith's self-loathing thoughts. As his stiff body slowly melted in his arms, Keith let himself stay in Lance's embrace for a little more. As much as Keith enjoyed the warmth, he knew that Lance was probably annoyed by now and was waiting for him to let go. So he did.

"I-I'm sorry. I'll go to my room now."

Lance immediately bolted up after him, grabbing his wrist.

"Keith?! Where are you going? You just had a panic attack, there's no way I'm letting you be alone."

Keith turned to look at Lance with wide eyes. Lance... wanted him to stay? In his room?

"Don't look so surprised, Samurai. Even though we haven't been on the best terms, I care about you. We all do. I know you'll go with the Blades in the morning, I can't make you stay, but... just... stay the night with me? We missed you. I missed you, Keith."

Keith felt so raw, exposed and vulnerable to Lance. It was everything he dreaded back on Earth. But now, showing this side of himself to Lance didn't feel as bad as he feared. He plopped himself mext to Lance as his long and nimble fingers left his wrist. Instead, they grabbed his waist and pulled him down, his head now resting on Lance's steadily rising and falling chest.

"Keith... I know you're unhappy with the Blades. I mean, everyone noticed something was off with you but... I know you. During the time you were the Black Paladin, I got to learn a lot of things about you. Things that others wouldn't even notice. So... I can see that you're not happy. You're stressed, and probably tired beyond it all, but... the next time you feel like this, please talk to us instead of trying to kill yourself. It doesn't even have to be me, just talk to someone. Please."

Keith's eyes fluttered shut to the steady rhytm of Lance's heartbeat. He never noticed it before, but listening to his heartbeat made him feel strangely calm, and collected, as if he wasn't a broken mess just a few minutes ago.

"I'd rather talk to you."

He didn't have to look up to see that Lance was smiling. He returned the gesture with a smile of his own.

"Go to sleep, mullet. I'll take care of everything."

Lance fumbled with the blanket a little before he managed to drape it over them. The bed was small, but they made do. Keith could feel a warm feeling settle inside his chest, replacing the hurt and agony from before.

He knew they'd come looking for them, because they had their responsibilities, Lance as a Paladin, and Keith as a Blade. But right now, everything felt warm and content, because he was with Lance.

They'd have each other's backs, because that was what they always did.

**Author's Note:**

> Seriously, why do I always use Keith as my punching bag? I love him so much, yet I hurt him the most. It's like projecting my problems onto Keith is my default writing type. Let me know what you think in the comments! 
> 
> If you ever wanna yell at me about Voltron, hit me up at [koganestan](https://koganestan.tumblr.com/) on Tumblr!


End file.
